Finding Good Love: Do Compatibility Constructs Really Predict Marital Satisfaction? by Dr. Joshua Straub With a catch in her voice, I knew what was going to pour out of her. Partly because I knew her husband and always felt he was pretty mean to…
Helping people change is no small task. But attachment theory and the secure-base system can help guide you in therapy, no matter what model or techniques you like to use.
Attachment-based therapy is based on six broad principles that spell out the acronym SECURE:
Adds family counselor Joshua Straub, Ph.D., of Lynchburg, Virginia: “Parents may not even realize they’re doing it. But a lot of times their personality clicks better with one child than the other. So they give the favored child a lot of special treatment or are easier on that child in terms of punishment. There may already be some bad feelings between the siblings, but this favoritism just adds fuel to the fire.”
Having attended a state university for my undergraduate work, I (Josh) had the privilege of befriending an atheist who lived with me the last three years of college. With front row seats, watching his drunken oblivion throughout our college years worried me greatly. He nearly died on a number of occasions and had numerous run-ins with “Johnny Law.”
Life is all about relationships—particularly with God and with those we love. You don’t have to go very far in the Bible to be reminded that God desires to be in a relationship with each and every one of us. Even more, the Bible says that He is a pursuer God, and that He works to win our hearts. His desire and His love are for us.
Cutting. Dusting. Choking. Salvia. And no I’m not referring to cutting vegetables, cleaning your house or choking on your saliva-though that would be weird too. This is more serious than that. Way more serious.
Words you didn’t hear five years ago have now become common vernacular in a youth culture desperate for healing. Cutting-to desperately relieve the internal pain and depression. Using Dust Off ®-an aerosolized computer keyboard cleaner that contains compressed gas-to get high. Choking oneself to enter a euphoric state. And Salvia-an halluncinogenic herb only banned in eight states-more powerful than and considered to be the next marijuana. New fads. More teen deaths.
There are grandmas. And then, there are Me-maws. I had a Me-maw.
As a boy I went to her house often. Special moments were Sunday’s after church when my family got together and turned the peaceful ambience of her home into playful chaos. My sister and I wrestled and nitpicked. Dad and I whipped each other with wet towels we had used to dry the dishes. The real fun was seeing who would end up with the bright orange, “Special $.99” sticker from the chip bag, on their back. After lunch, we napped, played cards, or watched football.
I lived every kid’s dream of being loved.
I am not sure why I talked to him. I never talk to anyone on a plane. I just relax. It’s “me” time. Yet our conversation lasted for an hour and a half. He intrigued me. As the conversation grew deeper I knew I wasn’t talking to the average man. This guy was brilliant. At first we shared stories. Traveling tales if you will…of experiences we have had flying with other passengers, airline personnel, missed flights, airplane mishaps, and…oh yea, the pleasantries of going through security. But this man knew more than just tales and stories. There was purpose behind every question he was asking me about my flying experience.
Joshua Straub, Ph.D. is a speaker, author, counselor and professor. He specializes in attachment and relationship research, the Millennial generation, crisis and trauma, marriage and family, and spiritual formation. Continue reading...